Blue Day

I have been struggling with all the changes that have happened in my life over the past month.  I've moved to a new town.  I am in a new apartment.  I left my roommates.  I left my job and the kids I love.  I am going to school now and it has pretty much consumed my schedule.  I am still not sure how I am going to pay for things.  I have enough put aside to make it maybe one more month and then what?  There is really no time in my schedule for a job.  I've tried to get a loan but was denied.  I kept thinking that once I made it through all the change that I would settle in and I would feel better.  Perhaps that will still be the case but for now I just feel so lost and alone.

I am in denial that this new apartment is my home now.  I have not put my pictures on the wall.   I have tried 3 times now to go buy groceries for the cupboards.  Tonight I finally got groceries and I discovered that even my Target is different.  You know how when you go out of town you can go into a Walmart anywhere and it is just like you are at home?  They are all the same.  I went to Target this evening expecting that small comfort of home only to walk into some strange new layout.  It was just wrong.  The cheese was back on the back wall where the frozen stuff belongs and the school supplies were in the back corner where the bikes belong and the candy was in the bread isle.  I feel like I have stepped through the looking glass.  Everything is topsy turvy.

My stupid phone is not working right.  It seems it was only able to recover from getting wet once.  I have gone to the ATT store twice now to replace it and both times left without getting something new because I am trying to conserve my resources but it is driving me crazy.  It is my lifeline to my people and it is on the fritz.

I'm homesick.  I just want to go home and unfortunately my "home" does not exist anymore.

Where are some Ruby Slippers when you need them?